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Aulu ~ Rations

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Nov. 14th, 2006 | 01:57 am
posted by: auronlu in pyre_flies

Title: Rationing
Setting: FFX, airship
Theme + Number: Rations (44)
Pairing: Auron/Lulu
Rating: R
Warnings: Spoilers.
Summary: Fleeting moments of private time.


They had learned to ration themselves into these cracks between the days. There was so little time. Most of it was spent plotting, fighting, guarding, gathering in weapons and strength for a battle that was right off the map, that no Trials or Teachings could prepare them for. Jecht was waiting. They would never know if they were ready until they tried. Yuna needed Lulu -- not for advice or protection anymore, she went her own way; she just needed the mage's silent presence, like the torch flickering in the Chamber of Fayth to serve as witness to the Summoner's vigil. Tidus needed Auron to be there in case anything went wrong.

They belonged to their Summoner and their companions.

So they rationed these moments. It wasn't merely the passionate joinings, with clouds drifting past the airship's window and an endless abyss below them. It wasn't when Lulu allowed herself to be a sensuous young woman in her own body, or the times that Auron let himself laugh for some reason other than sheer cynicism or the riptides of fate. It was when they stopped guarding -- not just others, but themselves from themselves.

Auron was tired and let it show, sitting on the floor with his arms stretched out behind him on the bunk, sprawling like the spreading roots of an old tree.

Lulu was tired of too many companions and admitted it. She loved them all, even that irritating boy from the sea and Yuna's bright cousin, but she had never travelled with more than two before, and she longed for the secret shadows of Besaid's jungles where she might lose herself for days when the village closed around her.

They rationed themselves to truths. To confidences: not too many, of course; each prized secrecy, and weeks could not cut through years of walls. To memories: Auron's first lesson in the monastery, the last thing Lulu's mother told her before she was gone. To dry jokes and wry observations about their companions and the unorthodox road they had travelled.

Most of all, they rationed silence. There was a weight and heft to it, when shared, that transcended the reach of any sword or spell. When Auron was gone, Lulu would remember their shared silences most of all: his silhouette against the porthole, her hand on his shoulder, and the quiet moments when no one needed them to be anything, or to explain.

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Comments {3}

unfortunate hobo

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from: first_seventhe
date: Nov. 14th, 2006 12:55 pm (UTC)
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I just wrote you a nice comment, but LJ ate it. (I think.)

Let me see if I can remember it.

each prized secrecy, and weeks could not cut through years of walls - this is one of my favourite lines, and I think it fits the Auron/Lulu relationship really well.

And I liked how it wasn't only the physical intimacy, but the trust you get between them, as they don't have to play guardians. It's like that line in Pulp Fiction I can't remember about how you know you've found someone special when you can just shut up for two minutes and be comfortable with a silence.

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Helluin

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from: auronlu
date: Nov. 15th, 2006 10:18 am (UTC)
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Thank you very much!

I've never seen Pulp Fiction, but must tip my hat to muggy_mountain, who recently wrote an artful little piece somewhat along the same lines. (It's a thought that has occurred to me too, but she says it better.)

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Helluin

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from: auronlu
date: Nov. 15th, 2006 10:15 am (UTC)
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Oh! Excellent, you get the day's nitpicker award! (That's not unkindly meant; my nitpicking comes from several years of teaching Latin and editing an online fan newsletter.)

Let me sneak back and fix that.

You are too kind, however. There are three or four fanfiction writers around here whose work I stare at in utter awe and faint envy.

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